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aberrantangelsIronically, I have an appointment with my own therapist this afternoon.
Aberrant: Elites dates this as happening on June 11, 2007, despite it referring to events later in that same year, but this is obviously the earliest June 11 on which the discussion can take place. Ah, White Wolf, where editors are something that happens to other companies.
She actually says this to him after he's discoursed on how he prayed the night before the attack: "I remember asking [the Virgin] Mary for her special help.... Mary has helped me a lot since I was a kid." But she could just as easily be saying it to me, because there's a certain amount of stalling in the writing of this post. The level of emotional intensity that comes off the page, when he's telling her about the Field of Glass, literally hurts me to read. Or maybe it's just the sense of him letting out a scream that nobody really hears.
Before we get to that point, he talks about how pumped up he was for the attack, the fight with Totentanz he was expecting. This leads Rausch-Rivers to ask if the US government had given him soma, and Callahan to at least the second in a series of denials.
Eventually, he talks about what happened when his Calamity Blast melted the fort, slagged the stone and fused the sandbags into glass:
Rausch-Rivers asks her assistant, Joey, to send for Marie and Selima, while Callahan raves some more:
He warns Rausch-Rivers that everybody needs to be careful of people like him and asks her to tell everyone. She assures him that she will and asks him, in return, to let Marie give him his tranquilizer. He agrees, then says they're not strong enough and asks if he could have the green pills instead. Then he asks somebody to pull the blinds down on the office window, as the sun is going down and "I can see my own face behind you." Rausch-Rivers asks Marie to tend to the blinds, but she's not quite quick enough: "Oh, my God! Please, please, get me out of here, help me, my eyes are watching me in the glass!" (Recording breaks off)
June 11
[Aberrant] Carmel "Calamity" Callahan is interviewed by Dr. Wilhelmina Helene Rausch-Rivers, of the Craiglockhart Centre for the Treatment of War Disorders, about the Field of Glass incident.
Aberrant: Elites dates this as happening on June 11, 2007, despite it referring to events later in that same year, but this is obviously the earliest June 11 on which the discussion can take place. Ah, White Wolf, where editors are something that happens to other companies.
Dr. Rausch-Rivers: I know, Carmel, and we have touched on this before. But I think we should put off that discussion till a later time. Right now, I feel as if you're trying to stall about something.
She actually says this to him after he's discoursed on how he prayed the night before the attack: "I remember asking [the Virgin] Mary for her special help.... Mary has helped me a lot since I was a kid." But she could just as easily be saying it to me, because there's a certain amount of stalling in the writing of this post. The level of emotional intensity that comes off the page, when he's telling her about the Field of Glass, literally hurts me to read. Or maybe it's just the sense of him letting out a scream that nobody really hears.
Before we get to that point, he talks about how pumped up he was for the attack, the fight with Totentanz he was expecting. This leads Rausch-Rivers to ask if the US government had given him soma, and Callahan to at least the second in a series of denials.
Eventually, he talks about what happened when his Calamity Blast melted the fort, slagged the stone and fused the sandbags into glass:
I didn't shoot right at them, but they were too close by — and it melted all those — kids standing in front of it... [long pause] (voice begins to shake) Those terrified kids with their terrified frozen eyes. That's all I can see now. I mean I see it when I turn around corners, and I see it when I try to go to sleep, and I see it when I try to use my powers! That horrible, shining mess of... of... of glass on the ground and the slag bodies and the bones. Oh, God, and arms just sort of sticking out of it all and the pink and black stuff oozing all over the glass and the eyes not connected to anything, burst eyes, unburst eyes fused into the glass, watching me...
Dr. Rausch-Rivers: Carmel—
Callahan: ...and those horrible, horrible charred hands holding onto slagged guns, clutching on hard just as tight as you'd hold a baby... I killed 143 dumb, unwilling kids! I will never use my powers again. Oh, God, I will never be forgiven...
Rausch-Rivers asks her assistant, Joey, to send for Marie and Selima, while Callahan raves some more:
I swear the Lord hates us all or is testing us and trying to destroy us. I don't understand how anybody could be like me, and kill people like me, and not go crazy.... You know what? I think Totentanz is more than an icon. I think anyone who kills that easily really is Death. I bet he doesn't get nightmares. Oh, God, I'm not human any more.
He warns Rausch-Rivers that everybody needs to be careful of people like him and asks her to tell everyone. She assures him that she will and asks him, in return, to let Marie give him his tranquilizer. He agrees, then says they're not strong enough and asks if he could have the green pills instead. Then he asks somebody to pull the blinds down on the office window, as the sun is going down and "I can see my own face behind you." Rausch-Rivers asks Marie to tend to the blinds, but she's not quite quick enough: "Oh, my God! Please, please, get me out of here, help me, my eyes are watching me in the glass!" (Recording breaks off)
