(no subject)

[aberrantangels]

It must be nice to know what's going on. It must be even nicer to figure out what's going on before it happens, to be able to avoid fucking up some of the time.

Those of you on this list who are capable of that, tell me please: how do you do it? How do you manage to not fuck up? How do you reliably not fuck up?

Comments

[thessalian.livejournal.com]

Um ... it just happens?

Seriously -- it's all about keeping your eyes open, knowing people, and most of all, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[lostfactor.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you'd consider me one of the people capable of that or not. I'd like to believe so, but that's something to be deciphered later.

The ability I have to read people comes from the fact that for the first thirteen years of my life, I was persona non grata to my family and all those who were forced to deal with me. Don't try and discuss friends, they didn't exist. I had no interaction with other people that was pleasant, and since most people did not consider me in the slightest, I leaned that I could notice and analyze the things that were going on around me with some degree of acuity.

But this is hardly a blanket defense against fucking up.

I don't make any pretense about precognition. I have failed as often as I have succeeded. When faced with choices, I might have an inkling of what to do, but never is there a light beaming down from heaven showing me the right and wrong choice. The only guiding light I can use is to simply make the choices that I will not regret... because then even if I fuck up, I can look back and say with confidence that I was doing my best.

Anyone who tells you they can reliably not fuck up is lying to themselves and you. But you can reliably make the choices you can be proud of, to mitigate the times when things do get fucked up.

[aberrantangels]

it just happens?

For future reference, sweet bird, since I'm pretty sure this has never come up before: that's not only not helpful, it's actually anti-helpful. It leaves me thinking things like "If it were going to happen to me, it should've done by now" and "I must've been out of school the day everyone else learned how to do this" and other things that I know get me nowhere, but which seem like the logical consequence of that statement.

it's all about keeping your eyes open

My problem is that when I keep my eyes open enough to see more than a very narrow one-foot-in-front-of-the-other path, I have a nasty tendency to stand around waiting for somebody to tell me what to do with the knowledge I'm taking in.

knowing people

This post happened because I thought I knew somebody. What it was, you see: I delayed brushing my teeth because my mom had said she was going to get into the shower (which she usually does pretty quickly after such an announcement). It turned out that while I was waiting for her to be out of the shower, she was still getting ready to get into it; she announced her intentions again, and I piped up saying that if I'd known she wasn't in there already, I'd have been brushing my teeth.

The whole thing demonstrated to me, yet again, that I am the problem, and that I can best help other people by getting out of their way; since I can't get out of my own way, there's nothing meaningful I can do for myself.

Seems I'm not alone in being alone...

[aberrantangels]

I'd like to believe so, but that's something to be deciphered later.

I'm pretty sure I do, you'll hopefully be happy to know.

I was persona non grata to my family and all those who were forced to deal with me. Don't try and discuss friends, they didn't exist. I had no interaction with other people that was pleasant

...Ow. (And another reminder that I'm not alone in having had a childhood where my one reliable friend was myself. And that some people, like you and thessalian, had it much worse than I.)

The only guiding light I can use is to simply make the choices that I will not regret... because then even if I fuck up, I can look back and say with confidence that I was doing my best.

Something like that. If not that, then you can say you were doing what would not do violence to your own soul.

Anyone who tells you they can reliably not fuck up is lying to themselves and you. But you can reliably make the choices you can be proud of, to mitigate the times when things do get fucked up.

Well said; words to live by. And thanks!

Re: Seems I'm not alone in being alone...

[lostfactor.livejournal.com]

And that some people, like you and thessalian, had it much worse than I.

This touched off something that I had a conversation with Elaine about on Thursday and had on my mind. Having a bad and difficult childhood is something that a lot of people use to try and justify their actions as an adult - "take pity on me, I didn't have a good childhood." It's a wimpy excuse, a way of trying to deny your own culpability in actions. It irritates me. I'm not accusing you of it - you just happened to remind me of that fact. ;>

If not that, then you can say you were doing what would not do violence to your own soul.

This is one of the most poetic ways of saying it that I've ever seen. My hat goes off to you, mein freunde.

And you're welcome.